Types of Extra-Marital Affair: The Power Affair
This is the type of affair which is frequently blamed on things like the power of celebrity or even "sexual addiction".
This is where a couple comes into contact and there is a significant difference in the power or prestige of each person.
The power can come from various sources which could include being a celebrity, a politician, elite sportsperson or anyone in the public eye.
These are the most obvious ones however it is far more common to have a disparity in income or physical power with members of the general public. This affair type happens if someone is suddenly taken with an attraction taken from situations where the other person is overtly in control.
This difference in attractiveness between both people is what differentiates this type of affair from a sexual affair.
Why Does It Start?
The key thing to look for here is that the less powerful person is attracted to the perceived power of the other. This should be separated from a sexual affair because it is not based upon sexual attraction it is attraction to power.
This would include:
- Being someone's boss or being senior management.
- Earning significantly more money than the person or having more authority in their job.
- Being significantly more physically powerful. This will be important in areas where being physically adept or "tough" is considered desirable.
- Frequenting an establishment where they in regular contact with the owner.
Evidence for the existence of this type of affair is easy to come by.
Prime Minister Boris Johnson's affair with Jennifer Arcuri or Conservative MP Matt Hancock and his aide Gina Coladangelo show that people will cheat even if there is a significant disparity in the sexual attractiveness of both parties.
Can you think of a time when you have seen an attractive woman in a relationship with a man who is much less attractive but is physically powerful?
It is important to note that many sexual encounters can come from one of the people simply being very confidant. Confidence comes from and is displayed by people in power and is often seen as an indicator that this person is in control of situations.
Sexual addiction element is sometimes blamed because the powerful person can show addictive behaviours towards sexual infidelity. This is most probably due to the fact that finding sexual partners is very easy for them.
For cheating like this to happen there needs to be both the person in power and the person to enable their behaviour i.e. the person attracted to the power.
It is important to note that there does not need to be any form of marital dissatisfaction to trigger cheating or even an above average sex drive. The marriage could have been perfectly healthy until the specific situation of one spouse coming into contact with a powerful person at the right time.
Where Would It Start?
Work would be the most obvious place for an affair like this to happen in most cases as there is a clear hierarchy and differences in power.
Potentially a gym might be the source as people can often display their physical strength there.
From a social side there is a possibility of an affair if someone in your circle displays overt signs of authority, wealth or physical prowess. This could be something as overt as driving an expensive car to actually engaging in fighting with others.
Everyone would probably agree that these types of display are actually very commonplace and vary in their degree of subtlety but it will usually only work if the other party is in some way impressionable.
Some people are simply impressionable by their nature however others may just be in an impressionable state at the time which may be due to the level of power disparity e.g. with a celebrity.
Location or events can quite often play a large part in making someone impressionable. Examples of this could include being at a concert where a lead singer's perceived power is obvious.
Other examples could include business gatherings where a manager might address a room full of people. These are events that shine a light on the individual and can make them appear larger than life.
Events such as these can be the catalyst for an extra-marital affair.
There will be less of an emotional involvement to cheating like this which will result in a physical affair.
What Are The Signs?
There are different signs depending on whether you are the spouse of the powerful person or the impressionable one.
Spouse Of The Powerful Person
In the vast majority of cases the powerful person will spend a great deal of time engaging in the processes that make them powerful in the first place i.e. spending a lot of time at the office, gym or establishment that they own i.e. night club.
Therefore there may be plenty of opportunity for privacy or secrecy from their spouse. Additionally if their behaviour were to change then it would be much harder to notice.
If someone makes a lot of business trips then it will be hard to spot if some of these trips are used as cover to engage in an affair.
It is unfortunate but powerful people often either develop or already have a certain degree of narcissism to their personality. This is problematic as people like this will not show many signs of guilt or remorse if they are cheating.
Inconstancies In Their Story
The other side of this is that people like this will often not put as much effort into hiding their sexual relationship as much as others would. There could be signs of an affair that a more careful person would have hidden.
You should look for inconstancies in stories or explanations which would be the result of carelessness. Be on the lookout for gaslighting behaviour. This is where they will attempt to convince you that your perceptions or memories are incorrect when you challenge them.
The behaviour will always revolve around places and times where that powerful person is in control.
Spouse Of The Impressionable Person
The impressionable person should show many changes in their behaviour as they are not the person in control.
Their actions are often being governed by the other person even before the affair so they will generally "do as they are told".
Because of this they will not be able to control their schedule as much as they would normally and as a result there will be changes in their habits.
Changes To Schedule
They may consistently spend longer at work, gym or places of socialisation without much notice or preparation. They are not the ones governing their behaviour at these times.
As a result they will not be able to take steps to conceal the affair in the same way that others would.
Lack Of Planning
There may be evidence of physical affair or dishevelling of clothing or hair which could have been covered up with a change of clothes or time to redo themselves but they did not get the opportunity.
A person who plans for an affair can take measures such as taking spare clothes but if a person cannot plan then the evidence should start showing.
Guilty Conscience
One of the strange side effects of attraction to powerful people is that it wears off very quickly when they are not in contact.
The affair partner may spend some time wondering why they had the affair at all and this will result in a lot of guilt. The attraction will re-ignite as soon as they get close again or witness any overt "displays of power".
The guilty conscience will weigh heavily on them which will result in mood swings and irritability combined with unconscious acts of apology.
They may seem overwhelmed and sensitive at times and then suddenly change to being overly supportive.
Their self esteem will be very low as they are essentially damaging their own life to satisfy the desires of someone else.
How Can You Catch Them?
Whilst at times it may be harder to spot these types of affair from the perspective of the spouse it is actually usually somewhat easier to gain evidence for a private investigator.
Due to the cheating couple not taking as many precautions as others would surveillance will usually gather good evidence very quickly as long as you catch them at the right time.
Often the affair will take place on or in around the powerful person's area of control. Static surveillance devices can be set up in these places to monitor activity over time. Additionally vantage points overlooking these areas can be sourced if you know that this is the most likely place for a sexual relationship to occur.
If they are moving to secondary locations such as hotels then they can be tracked through GPS.
If you would like to know more about how surveillance can help you gather evidence then please visit out Matrimonial Surveillance Page
